My Life as a Smuggler

I found this article on "Mormon Mommy Blogs" entitled "My Life as a Smuggler." I just thought it was hilarious...maybe because my mom and I would probably do the same thing! When we were at Swiss Days this last September we brought our own Diet Coke to drink, and a few people actually asked my mom where we got them because they wanted to buy some! Anyway I know that there's a lot of people who might get a kick out of this story about a lady who went to a conference at BYU, knowing Diet Coke wouldn't be available on campus-I just got a kick out of it because I think I could relate, so I had to share!

I went to BYU for a conference a while back and I knew that I wouldn't be able to get a Diet Coke on Campus. I knew this from past experiences of being Diet Coke-less. Or, more directly, Caffeine infused Diet Coke-less. The other stuff is just brown flavored water. Why even bother?

My pal DeNae and I stocked up on our crack at the local gas station along with some chocolate so that we could summon our mojo from those stingy creative gods.

I was wandering around lost, apparently flaunting my naughty Diet Coke, when I stumbled up to the information desk at BYU to have the cute girl help this sad lost soul. A woman came up behind me and pointed at my glorious juice of the gods and then looked at the person behind the desk as if to say "Are you KIDDING me?"

She said "Where... where.... WHERE can you get this on CAMPUS?"

I smiled my all knowing smile, and said that you couldn't get this sweet goodness on campus, but that I had actually stocked up before I arrived.

She huffed: "Well. You know, Caffeine isn't allowed... Or is it?" And gave a knowing, nodding glance to the students.

I laughed, and said "Oh I know they don't sell caffeine on campus. I "smuggled" it onto campus. I bring it every year for the Women's Conference so that I can survive.

She snorted at me.

Oh yes she did.

She totally snorted at me.

She looked at the students and said "Can she have this here? It has caffeine in it."

They said that they weren't "affiliated" with caffeine, so they couldn't respond to that question.

Really?

You're not "affiliated" with caffeine?


When he calls, do just hang up on him? Do you slam the door in his face when he rings the bell?

What do you mean you're not "affiliated" with caffeine?

"WELL", the crazy-lady said "It's against the rules here. I know that smoking is not allowed on campus, so I'm not going to light up. I go to my car to drink my caffeine Diet Coke. You need to put that away."

And then she took my Diet Coke and put it inside my coat pocket.

Yes. She did.

She totally TOUCHED my Diet Coke. And. AND! She put it underneath my coat, as if to hide my sins.

I promptly took my Diet Coke back and placed it on the counter while saying: "I don't hide my sins under a bushel, I flaunt them for all the world to see."

She didn't think that was very funny, so being the consummate performer that I am, I put that Diet Coke right back underneath my jacket and then turned very slowly towards her and while opening my jacket (to expose my Diet Coke) I said in a deep gravely voice: "Hey little girl, wanna buy a Diet Coke?"

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